The Wisdom of Modah

So Many Opinions. So Little Time.

Tag: wisdomofmodah

Irma Came. And then Irma Went. Now Modah be &*%#! tired.

One week ago that b*tch Irma spread her skirts,

took a squat, and sprayed destruction all over my state.

Since  Modah lives only “a block from the water” here in South Florida,

she wisely decided to evacuate and took shelter 

with generous friends, who managed to pack

eleven people,

three large dogs,

six (count ’em SIX!) cats,

and a hedgehog named Norbert,

into their house. Continue reading

Modah’s “Holiday Pig-out Prevention Plan”

After twelve hours of peeling, chopping, baking, blending,

bitching, boiling, blisters, stirring, sifting and setting

(whilst sweating like a racehorse-running-the-Preakness)

Modah single-handedly produced a Thanksgiving dinner

of pornographic proportions.

A roasted turkey reclined in its Rubenesque glory on the table,

surrounded by serving bowls of salty, slurpable starches

and greasy/sweet sauces, Continue reading

How To Fall Off A Ladder

This week, instead of one of my famously frequent, figurative face-plants,

I experienced a singular, literal ASS-PLANT.

I fell backwards off a six-foot ladder onto a concrete garage floor.

And it should have never happened, because of course

MODAH KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT LADDER SAFETY.

I had climbed the ladder to get my torso halfway through an opening into our attic.

And why would a hefty, sixty-two-year-old broad like me do that? Continue reading

NEVER pick up after your man!

After 30 years of wrangling my four knuckle-headed sons and their distracted father, I can tell you with certainty that it does not profit a “neat” woman to shovel the droppings of the average American male. Unless you’re getting paid WAY-above-market by your man, let those papers, dirty dishes and crispy socks just lay there until he gets a clue. I apologize in advance for besmirching the reputations of any “neat” men out there. But such men are like unicorns. And they’re all probably taken. So the world’s unattached “neat” women had better listen to Modah.

Let us examine three unprofitable scenarios where a well-intentioned “neat” woman might be tempted clean up after her man: Continue reading

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