The Wisdom of Modah

So Many Opinions. So Little Time.

Category: Uncategorized

Irma Came. And then Irma Went. Now Modah be &*%#! tired.

One week ago that b*tch Irma spread her skirts,

took a squat, and sprayed destruction all over my state.

Since  Modah lives only “a block from the water” here in South Florida,

she wisely decided to evacuate and took shelter 

with generous friends, who managed to pack

eleven people,

three large dogs,

six (count ’em SIX!) cats,

and a hedgehog named Norbert,

into their house. Continue reading

Modah’s “Holiday Pig-out Prevention Plan”

After twelve hours of peeling, chopping, baking, blending,

bitching, boiling, blisters, stirring, sifting and setting

(whilst sweating like a racehorse-running-the-Preakness)

Modah single-handedly produced a Thanksgiving dinner

of pornographic proportions.

A roasted turkey reclined in its Rubenesque glory on the table,

surrounded by serving bowls of salty, slurpable starches

and greasy/sweet sauces, Continue reading

Sleep Training AIN’T FOR SISSIES!

He attacks, under cover of darkness.

He is ruthless…and toothless.

He is a screaming, flailing, drooling, seventeen-pound TYRANT.

And, sadly, he’s my “kin.”

My grandson has been terrorizing his parents for four months.

And I’ve watched my Darling DIL stumble down the stairs, weak and hollow-eyed, after a night of hourly interruptions that include (but are not limited to)

feeding, rocking, walking, burping, changing, temperature-taking,

Tylenol, DEFCON 5 screaming, Gripe Water, prayers, tears,

and a few stolen moments of half-sleep for all parties concerned.

PEOPLE, TEACHING A BABY TO SLEEP IS NOT FOR SISSIES! Continue reading

7 Things You OWE YOURSELF After The Last Kid Moves Out

Dear darling empty-nest momma,

Pick your scenario:

1) Your Sarah has just boarded a plane to Guatemala, where she will spend a “gap year” feeding orphans.

2) Your Little Johnny is adjusting nicely to his freshman year at Whattsamatta U, where he plans to “major” in “Business” (but where, like his brothers before him, he will actually “major” in “Beer”).

 3) Your Megan just changed her name to “Nzuri” (Swahili for “Beautiful”) and has “moved to the Coast” to “make art” with her weed-smoking, under-employed boyfriend.

Or, you can imagine your own scenario.

But one way or another, the last of your kids has drained your bank account and is ambling toward a new life. Continue reading

© 2017 The Wisdom of Modah

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑